Photo: Ashley Byrd
Emerging adulthood is, by definition, a period of experimentation. Young people between adolescence and adulthood are making decisions about relationships, work, identity, independence and the kind of life they want to build. That can include experimenting with alcohol, drugs and other behaviors.
For parents, that makes one question particularly difficult to answer: When does experimentation become something more concerning?
The answer isn’t necessarily found in whether a young person has used a substance. Instead, it may be found in what that substance is beginning to replace.
A change in sleep, a missed class or a withdrawn weekend doesn’t prove that someone is using drugs. The United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime cautions that many of the emotional, social and physical changes associated with drug use can have other explanations. What matters more is when several changes begin appearing together, and when substance use starts interfering with relationships, responsibilities, motivation or everyday life.
Look for What Is Changing
Some of the earliest warning signs can be surprisingly ordinary.
A young person may become increasingly irritable or depressed, lose interest in activities they once enjoyed, start skipping classes or appear less motivated. They may become more secretive about phone calls, give evasive answers about where they’ve been or withdraw from friends and family.
Physical changes can also occur, including significant shifts in sleep or appetite, unusual sleepiness, changes in personal hygiene or an unkempt appearance.
None of these behaviors, on their own, establishes that someone is using drugs. A student sleeping all day could be struggling with depression. Someone skipping class could be overwhelmed by school. Changes in appetite or mood can have countless causes.
The more useful question is whether there is a pattern and whether the person’s life is becoming smaller as a result.
When Substance Use Starts Replacing Other Parts of Life
Problematic substance use isn’t simply about frequency. It can also be about what happens around the substance.
The National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers, drawing on the DSM-5 framework for substance use disorders, identifies patterns such as difficulty controlling use, cravings, spending substantial amounts of time obtaining or recovering from a substance, neglecting work or relationships, withdrawing from previously enjoyed activities and continuing to use despite harmful consequences.
That distinction matters during emerging adulthood.
A young person who occasionally drinks with friends may still be maintaining relationships, attending school, pursuing interests and managing everyday responsibilities. A young person whose social life increasingly revolves around obtaining or using substances, who stops participating in activities they once enjoyed or who repeatedly abandons responsibilities may be showing a very different pattern.
The question becomes less “Are they using?” and more “What is the use doing to the rest of their life?”
Why Emerging Adulthood Matters
Substance use can be particularly disruptive during a period when a young person is still developing an adult identity and learning to manage relationships, responsibilities and independence.
Yellowbrick, a treatment center specializing in emerging adults, has argued that this developmental period, roughly spanning the late teens through the 20s, is marked by major changes in identity, relationships, self-regulation and autonomy. Its work specifically examines how substance use can interfere with that development.
In its published model for treating substance use disorders in emerging adults, Yellowbrick describes substance use as potentially disrupting both motivation and attachment. As substance-related behaviors become more central, relationships and other sources of meaning can begin to lose their place in a young person’s life.
That helps explain why a problem may not always look like dramatic intoxication or a single crisis. It can look like a gradual narrowing of someone’s world.
The person who used to play music stops playing. The friend who once went out with several groups starts seeing only people connected to their substance use. The student who cared about school stops showing up. Activities that once provided structure or enjoyment begin to disappear.
Over time, the substance can become less of one part of life and more of the organizing force around it.
Secrecy Can Make the Problem Harder to See
Another reason substance use can be difficult for families to recognize is that young adults may actively hide what is happening.
Yellowbrick’s published work places particular emphasis on shame, secrecy and avoidance in emerging adults with substance-use problems. Its clinical model describes how hiding behavior can create a sense of independence while actually making it harder for a young person to acknowledge vulnerability or accept support.
That can show up in everyday interactions.
A young person may become evasive when asked where they’ve been. They may stop talking about certain friends, conceal phone conversations or minimize the consequences of their behavior. They may insist they have everything under control even as other parts of their life begin to deteriorate.
Again, secrecy isn’t proof of substance use. But when it appears alongside declining motivation, neglected responsibilities, social withdrawal or other significant changes, it is worth paying attention to the larger pattern.
What Parents Can Do Without Becoming Detectives
The temptation for families is often to look for one definitive sign. There usually isn’t one.
Parents can instead pay attention to changes over time and to whether substance use appears to be affecting the areas of life that normally help a young adult move forward: school or work, friendships, family relationships, physical well-being and personal goals.
They can also approach the conversation without assuming they already know the answer.
That matters because an accusatory conversation can make an already secretive situation harder to discuss. Asking what has changed, listening to the answer and expressing concern about specific behaviors can create more room for an honest conversation than immediately demanding an explanation.
And if the pattern continues or begins to involve significant impairment, professional assessment can help determine what is actually happening.
When Substance Use Becomes Part of a Larger Problem
For emerging adults whose substance use is accompanied by significant mental health, relationship or functional difficulties, treatment may need to address more than the substance itself.
Yellowbrick’s approach begins with a comprehensive assessment that can include psychiatric, medical and life-skills evaluations before an individualized treatment plan is developed. Its substance-use services may include individual psychotherapy, substance-use counseling, group therapy, education, mindfulness and relapse-prevention work.
That broader approach reflects an important reality: substance use doesn’t always exist in isolation.
For some emerging adults, it may develop alongside depression, anxiety, difficulty with relationships, problems with self-regulation or other challenges that make the transition into adulthood harder. Treating only the behavior without understanding what role it is playing in the person’s life can miss part of the problem.
Yellowbrick’s broader model also emphasizes maintaining connection while helping emerging adults develop greater agency and responsibility, what it calls “connected autonomy.”
The Warning Sign May Be That Life Is Getting Smaller
There is no single behavior that allows a parent, friend or partner to diagnose a substance use disorder. But there are patterns worth noticing.
Are relationships disappearing? Are responsibilities being abandoned? Has motivation declined? Is a young person withdrawing from activities they once cared about? Is more and more of their time organized around obtaining, using or recovering from a substance? Are secrecy and avoidance becoming part of everyday life?
Those changes don’t necessarily tell you exactly what is happening. They can, however, tell you that something deserves a closer look.
Emerging adulthood is supposed to involve experimentation, mistakes and uncertainty. Not every risky decision signals addiction, and not every change in behavior requires intervention.
The concern begins when substance use stops being one part of a young person’s life and starts pushing the rest of that life aside.
That’s when looking beyond the substance itself, and paying attention to the person, their relationships and the direction their life is taking, can matter most.
